I went to the heart ultrasound without any expectations of good findings.
I knew by then there would be probably be a valve problem, perhaps even a contractibility problem.
It worried me a bit that I had to lay on my left side during the examination.
Up till then it had been a problem when I would be on my left side for longer than a few minutes.
The woman told me to signal that I had to sit up.
She started the examination by not allowing me to have a look at the monitor.
That bothered me a lot, as I want to know things at the same time as someone else does.
It´s my body...
But soon I realised she found a valve problem by the place she kept reviewing the anatomy and by the way she kept measuring what she saw.
I didn´t dare to move, nor ask to sit up.
Then she said there was no need to be frightened by the sounds which would follow.
Well, I welcomed them as I know the sounds of the heart very well.
All I heart was an enorumously leaking valve and a woosh that indicates a very weakened side of the heart.
It almost took my breath.
"Well, that´s a leaking valve for sure", I said.
She asked me to keep lying down even if it would be difficult.
Someone came in and left.
I was not allowed to sit up, and my breathing problems increased.
"I need to finish these measurements", she said.
Then I was allowed to sit up and I immediately looked at the screen.
All I saw was a very thin side of the heart and a valve that closed about half.
"Are you OK if I call your doctor in"?
Ofcourse I was.
He came, sat on the bed with me and looked at me.
I just looked back.
"Yes, I saw it and heard the enormous leakage."
"It's very bad. The valve is not closing at all, and the side is thin as paper. Your heart pmps 15% at most.
I want to admit you."
"Hmm... can I fo home and tell my autistic son and fetch my things.?"
"When will you be back?"
He smiled...I knew.
"Can't make it back at 5...so I'll stay."
"I've already arrabged a bed, so let's go there."
I was allowed to dress myself and walk to a bench.
It was about 5 steps away.
I could hardly get breath, but managed with all my energy to get there and sit down.
When I looked up he was standing near me looking at me.
One of my daughters walked in.
" I have to be admitted now. call the rest, please", was all I could say.
He was called and told the echopgraphist to bring me to the department as ony she knew what was the matter and could innform, others when something happened on our way there.
I didn't even protest when I was told to sit in the wheelchair.