How Do You Mend a Broken Heart

1. How did you cope with your biggest heartache?

I cried, told myself not to enjoy self-pity and gave it time.

2. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?

You'd better ask who was the last to visit me when I was there.

3. How many jobs have you held in your life? How many of those were part of your chosen career field?

I grew up in a time that people didn't even know that a career field could exist.
My career is to be a humane human, so all jobs fitted in that.

4. How did you discover Saturday 9?

Don't know anymore. I think I saw it when surfing blogs.

5. If you could take the train from anywhere to anywhere, where would 'anywhere' be?

I guess some people will say from here to eternity, bit i will do with: from here to Oban.

6. When was the first time you cooked for someone else?

Oh my dear. The next question is when I first walked by myself holding a self embroidered bag, yes?
I guess I cooked for my gram.

7. What is the worst beverage you've ever tasted?

I keep only a list in my mind of the best three.

8. Is there anything in life you are "certain" about? Firm in your beliefs? Strong in your convictions?

Haha! Certain! I'm certain I will die. I'm sure I won't be disappointed. It will happen.

9. Do you know anyone who has as very unusual pet?

Not really, although I think that a few people in the neighbourhood keep strange husbands as a pet.

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Happy birthday to me

Today was my birthday.

'nough said.

I won't be home next year.

Interview

The interview went very well.
Even though we were caught in a traffic jam, we arrived in time.
I got some interesting statements, was able to get a good relationship for the future and we had a good time.
He enjoyed the interview so much that he gave us 15 minutes extra.
Sorry, collegues of a larger paper, you had to wait.

It was a pity that the parkingsystem now entails paying before leaving the car.
We were just in time to hurry back to the car and leave the parking lot. We planned to do some shopping and have a coffee somewhere, but it didn't happen.

The girls had a day off because the teachers were on strike.
We had a good time even though their autistic brother had some difficulty coping with his mom gone in the early morning and his sisters present at a weekday.
We made brownies and did some other nice things.
All in all we had a relaxing day.

No meeting, but a lot to do.

We hurried home, I ate some sandwiches while dinner was cooked and was brushing my teeth when the family was having dinner.
I was ready in time to step into the car... was waiting... saw the clock ticking and waited a lot more. When we nearly had no time left to be in time for the meeting, I called my son. He was called that the meeting was cancelled.

So I sat down again.

It the way things go at the paper.
No responsibility, no questions if certain subjects should be discussed, just a cancellation.
Grrrr...

So I mailed those who should dó something, to do their bit and otherwise let me know.
The site needs to be renewed urgently if we want to stay in touch with online readers and maybe attract some readers of other papers to read ours too. And certainly to get some advertisers.
If they can't manage..give me the passwords and let me put the whole site online.
After helping so many people making their sites, designing them, etc etc, I can do in a few days of concentrated work what needs to be done.

I also urged the only board member which is left to decide on a new board.
Someone needs to take responsibility and I want to, but fully backed by a board, not as some volunteer who works hard and is only confronted with people who don't care.
The decisions which are taken at the moment are not businesslike enough. There's no insight in economical responsibilities.

At some moments I ask myself why I bother so much.
My friend contacted me and just yelled some orders through the phone. He doesn't feel well, I can understand. And my phone is a mess. Sometimes I have to ask for a repeat.
He orders me to do things I can't unless people work with me and for the paper.
He's irritated that he needs to call from a mobile phone to my mobile, which is more expensive than calling to a regular phone. Well, I can't afford to have a home-connection, not with so many kids in puberty. Not with people who won't respect the fact that my life is more than sitting by the phone waiting for their call.

I don't want to accuse the last board member of neglect, but he's got more than 2 years to get a new board and I've handed him a new one on a platter.
The guy can't make decisions. Or should I say can't make decisions that might make his ego seem to be a little less.

So I mailed the people involved what needs to be done.
I assume my need for efficiency made the mails less friendly.

I created my own work today by mailing people to request interviews.
The new major doesn't give them before his duty for the town starts at february 1.
Kind of strange as another paper already published an interview.
But one of the councilmembers is pleased to receive me tomorrow morning.
When I did some research on his person and the hot issue of renting houses to people who are in an urgent situation, I found out he's got the same birthday as I have.
It's fun!
We share ours with Lewis Caroll, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Mozart and Jerome Kern.

So wish me luck.

These boots are made for walking...

After we finished the meeting of the paper last week one of the journalists decided to entertain us with a description of some of the most interesting people in our town.
It's a nice and relaxing way of keeping us up to date with their activities.
I don't have a problem with that. It's more of a display of his love for the city and it's certainly not gossip.

We all smiled when we were talking about our conversations with one of the most remarkable men who lives downtown.
It's a guy who dresses like a movie-cowboy. Big hat, leather coat and ofcourse cowboy boots. With spurs.
All high quality as he sells them in his shop.

He's a nice guy, always ready to talk and to have fun.
But the past time he's dealt with a few robberies in his shop.
We admire the way he copes with the resulting stress, and maybe some other shop-owners can learn from him.
I think that he should be interviewed for our next edition. The more people know each other, the more they will help each other. And maybe he has some good ideas.

My birthday is approaching very soon and this all made me realise I can put a few items from his shop on the wishlist.
A few years ago someone gave me a cowboyhat and a real leather cowboycoat.
It's a pity I hardly wear it.
With a nice pair of cowboyboats the outfit would be complete.
The present discounts at Bootcity might help.

Now I've got a song in my head: "These boots are made for walking..."

Notes behind a paper

Life takes strange turns.
We were friends at college, always disputing each other's contributions to the schoolpaper and later -papers.
I got the opportunity to learn all the details of how a magazine is run, wrote books, translated books and wrote a lot of other stuff.
He was the one who ran a real paper, was an active part of it for 30 years, did it all.

Then suddenly he withdrew from the stage of life and all I could do was step in his world when I heard the ship was sinking.
How could I allow others to mess up his life's work?

Well, they already did before I realised there were problems.
No money, no active writers, no good organisation, old fashioned site, and even a caricature of a paper's office. An old one. Good for an old day movie.

I didn't know if he wanted me to take over.

But this week I learned he does.

The weeks before I've witnessed power plays, lies, laziness, stupidity and a lot more and I'm not sure whether there are enough words for the drive to blow up ones ego and being so lazy that a 30 year old paper is almost completely ruined.

I feel I've practiced on my children what I have to do now: teach a group of people that when they want to accomplish something they have to dó something and they have to accept coordination.
In fact I feel that I would accomplish there more when I take all my kids there and throw those people out.

There is so much to do.
Find money to pay the taxes in march, to pay other bills, and to pay the new edition.
Reorganise the whole lot into a good running business.
Network, network and network.
Find reliable writers and other people, etc etc.

Any rich reader who wants to invest?

Tomorrow evening another meeting.
I don't even dare to think what to expect.
But I want a new board, streamlined responsibilities, and some fresh common sense.
Working on it!

Monday, monday, tada tatada!

The storm yesterday cleaned my head.
What a pity the alarm woke me up early, but I was not really bothered. I had a song in my head. Monday, monday....

The days here are never alike.

Today my second son came very early, and we had a nice talk about all sorts of things. Right when he was ready to leave the phone rang and a friend asked me over for coffee.
I was almost flattered that she wanted to spend her only free morning of the month with me.
It was nice to have some proper mom's talk. Our kids grew up together and she also has autism spectrum disorder in the family.
We had a giigle when her sone came home from school and I asked without thinking: "How was it at school? Did it go well?". I alsways ask that when my kids come home and use the time when saying the words to stop what I'm doing and go to the livingroom to sit down and listen to the answers. So I sat there waiting for his answer and he bursted out telling us about lost hours and such.
he was happy to vent and after that he was very relaxed and had a few sandwiches. They tasted him well, I could see that. :)

After that I went home and did what needs to be done on mondays: cleaning and such.
The afternoon went by very fast. Before I knew it was time to start dinner.

When the girls came home from ballet we had a nice dinner and a lot of fun.
We also wondered why school keeps on requesting the kids to be present at information evenings about professions when they've made their choice clear and firm.
One wants to be a nurse and won't become anything else and the other has chosen for a balletcarreer and has a plan B as a yogateacher or dancetherapist. We're looking tinto the courses given in Glasgow for the last profession, as they are the best in Europe. Interesting is that the school of the girls has no information at all about studying abroad, so we don't know what to do on those evenings. Especially not as she misses out on her balletlessons.

I still think the school has lost touch with reaility a bit.
They tried to withhold the kids to strike against cutbacks on education, but on thursday the school has given the pupils a day off because the teachers will be on strike against the same cut backs.
It's also known that many parents struggle with the extra costs and yet today one of the girls told me they have to go to Rotterdam and The Hague for some cultural events. I bet the school won't pay for that. They don't even ask the parents if they agree with these scheduled events.
Well, we should be happy as one of the other groups will visit another part of the world: they'll go to India.
After all these years I get the feeling the teachers like to go there and they bring it as an educational trip for the students.

I hope the expensive trip will involve a visit to one of the famous dance companies of our country. Just one to go and my balletgirl has visited them all.
I thought she would hesitate to make the choice for a balletcarreer when she would see how hard dancers have to work, but instead of it she's even more motivated.
I myself have a careful way of selfreflection. She has to make her own choice. I won't push her, knowing the world from isdie out and the other way around, but I also won't plead against her choice. I want to support her though.
Her present school offers a lot of facilities for sporters but nothing for balletgirls. Maybe time to write the government again. Last time I did the facilities at school didn't improve, but the ballet academies got in closer contact.

well, that's for another day.

Kung Hai Fat Choi, dear chinese friends!

A trip

The children were very young when they feel in love with duplo trains and when they expressed an interest in real trains we took them with us. First on a short stretch, to town. Later on trips all over the country.
We taught them how to travel, because the might be autistic, but that didn't mean their world should be limited.

The oldest in particular loved traveling by train, and he was the one who introduced daytrips for me as a birthday present.
My birthday is next friday, but today he took me on a trip across the country.
(We first planned yesterday, but we had too much to do).

It was nice to be back in Amsterdam.
We didn't stay very long, because we planned to go to a kind of bazar in Beverwijk. I've never been there and I was curious, as many people told me it's nice to shop there.

First we had to ask where to go. The guy we asked was very unkind. Pff.
We're from the other side of the country and deal with people in a slightly different way. We take out time to be friendly.

It was a firm walk. It started to storm and the wind made those great stormy sounds. Great!

Entering the bazar was quite interesting as I didn't know what to expect.
It was HUGE!!!!

We walked there for hours and we didn't see everything.

But we were at the part of the eastern countries. Which was in fact more the islamic part. Some parts were very crowded and more than once I was the only woman not wearing a scarf. Men staring at me, older men looking at me like they were saying hej..what are you doing here looking like that. It was like I was in a foreign country. (Yep, I was the one with the almost grey hair.)
I respected them, for instance by stepping aside when they were called for prayer (yes it was even broadcasted there), so they could move fast to where they were going. But I have a bit of doubt if it worked the other way around.
When we arrived in the chinse part I felt far more at ease.
And when my favorite buddha shop was present I was delighted. LOL!

Ive never seen so many different restaurants at a few square kilometers. Me oh my! When we walked on the pavement of the main "street" I got nauseated by all the different smells.
Ofcourse I was invited for a free meal by a turkish man who wanted a smiling woman in his restaurant to attract other people. I didn't accept it.
And one of the chinese women we bought food from on buddha day invited us in her restaurant too. But we didn't accept that either. We thought that we would never be able to walk when we would sit down.

Well, my son found a sweater he liked for 2 euro 99!!
And I bought a cape for 5 euro. Very, yep, very red. Haha! I can use it when we start our new journalism project for the paper. People can find me easily when I walk around in my red cape.
In the train I saw it was from a very good designer. Wow!
At home I saw it was not fleece, but 80% wool. Wow!
And on internet I saw that the cape is sold for 149 euros. Wow!
I looked if something was wrong with it... No!

We planned to go to the boach to have a walk while the sun was setting, but we missed the train by a few seconds. It was gone too early.
I said that maybe it was delayed a lot and it was the former train.

Well, we decided to skip the beach and go for dinner to our favorite frites (french fries) restaurant. Something went worng with the order and I got no sause, but I didn't mind at all. Even plain everything was delicious.

Through the blazing storm we went to the train and before Amsterdam we got stuck for 20 minutes. According to the train organisation it was because the police was hunting down some people. Can't find anything in the online papers about it, nor on TV. Strange.
All trains were delayed and it was a mess at the station.
My oldest doesn't display many autism spectrum disorder symptoms anymore, but he does know all the schedules by heart and he has an insight in the solutions for massive delays. I was talking to someone I vaguely know and who had to go to Utrecht, when he said he wanted to go elsewhere. We were just on our way when the announcement was made that.... We were the first to reach the train. When I looked back many people were running to catch the train in time.

Well, we were home in time to see the new series on BBC one about midwifes, I showed off the cape and after coffee and such I started to catch up with household tasks.
Can't leave the house for a day.

It's time to put the second load of laundry in the machine and find my bed.
Tomorrow is a good day to do the rest that's left.

Home

1. Do you live close to where you grew up? Why?

I live in the same town, but in another part of town.
Why? Because I had all the educational opportunities here. And after I married and got kids we had all the facilities near.

2. Have you ever been so angry that you almost lost control?

You mean become violent? No. I'm not that kind of person.
But I lost clear thinking, I wasn't able to keep enough distance from myself to reflect on what I was doing. Luckily I didn't do anything stupid, just got caught in being angry. Happened once.

3. Are you a fan of a musical act that slightly embarrasses you?

Huh? No.

4. Is there a movie that always makes you cry?

Yes, Out of Africa.

5. Who is the most famous person that you've met?

Hmmm... I've met quite some famous people. Writers, bisshops, singers. All very nice people.

6. Before you leave your home, what must you have?

Lipcare.
And the government wants us to take our passport with us. Especially in the middle of summer I don't know where to put it.

7. What do you miss the most about being a kid?

Being with my gram. Helping her.

8. Tell us about a passion of yours that your readers would not expect.

I don't know what they expect.
But OK, I
ll have a try.
I would like to go on a trip in october to the base camp of the Mount Everest.
I won't ever be able to find 2295 euro to go there, but I would practice for it if I had the opportunity. And succeed.

9. At what age do you think you'd be to think, “I've had a great run”?

I don't know what you mean.

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You can request the logo, but only when you will credit properly.
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Dresses

We all know the show must go on.
Today we had to take this literally.
After discussing Rudi van Dantzig, we took a cup of coffee and sat down to prepare the next ballet performance.

The idea of my daughter to use the back wall for a projection of snow was welcomed.
Good.
Then we discussed the looks of the dancers.
As this is a rather large group of amateurs we need to dress people of different ages and sizes.

One of the foreign dancers told us she had very good experiences with ordering from Sydney's Closet who have a large collection of dresses online, including plus size dresses.
She was right.
The collection can be surfed by prize, size, occassion, length, availability, designer and even colour.

Within minutes we made our choice.
So I'm sure you can too.
The 24/7 life customer support service enables you to use the expertise of people who know which problems you face and which insecurities.
So why not give it a try?

Rudi van Dantzig died today

It's very long ago.
With a balletcollegue I'd witnessed some dancing sessions with choreographers and I stayed in Amsterdam for a few days. Her mom was a great cook and wanted me to taste about everything of her specialities.
She needed some castor sugar one of those days and I said I would get some at one of the small groceries nearby.

I was near a corner when someone on a bicycle came towards me, smiled to me, said "Hi, keep on dancing" and touched my heart for a moment.
It was Rudi van Dantzig who greeted me. I was quite surprised that such a great man had remembered me from one or two looks he gave us when he passed the window of the room where we were dancing and that he took the effort to give me a push in the balletdirection.

He was one of the best 3 choreographers our country ever had. (others: Hans van Manen and Toer van Schayk)
He was inspired and inspirational, he could invest a tremendous amount of emotion in his work, and on the other side could request in a very businesslike manner pure perfection. The intensity in his facial expression when observing dancers one way of another has become part of my intensity when dancing. It was complete being in the moment and at the same time being reflective.

To me he always had something boyish in his face, even when he was 70 and older. His looks resembled my best friend's looks a lot, especially when he had some innner fun.

It's strange he isn't among us anymore.
But those who have known him, even for a short moment, will keep his spirit with them.

Bye Rudi, I took your advice serious. Thank you,

A day with lots of surprises.

Remember our christmasbox was a huge disappointment?
I mailed the factory of the cookies and snacks asking if they wanted feedback on their products.
They wanted it, I gave it and this morning I received a box with luxury chocolates and a bag with licorice. Topproducts!
So that was nice.

Our autistic boy asked us to fetch a game which brought us near the Ikea. We took the opportunity to have a good look around, as we'll need a new couch in the near future and the rooms of the kids can do with other wardrobes.

When we went back to town and got out of the car to get the groceries a cold wind swept in our faces, and a freezing cold drizzle lashed our faces. It was sooooo cold!

In the library I found a book of our former queen. It didn't look nice anymore, but it's a welcome addition to our home library. Cost: 1 euro.
Got it!

The meeting I had this evening didn't have any important content. Result: 1 hour earlier at home than planned.
Yes!

A mail of the wife of my terminally ill friend suggested he's not at home but either in hospital or in a hospice. The appointment we made to see him at saturday was very welcomed by her, but in the mail she didn't refer to him being able to talk to us then.
That was quite a surprise, as we thought to have made an appointment with them both.
I'm going to mail her back after this blogpost with some very concrete questions. It's OK he wants to go through this proces of detachment from life in his own way, I want to respect than and I've respected that. But I'd rather give him a hug and say nothing, than have a telephone call with some dull jokes.
He wants to call me. I hate telephone calls.
I'm able to visit him this weekend. So I'd rather do that.

I searched on internet the last information about the study one of the girls wants to start in september.
Great! The hospital has updated the site very, very well, and we now have all the answers we wanted.

And then finally, after discussing glassfiber internet, I sat down to watch one of the last episodes of As The World Turns.
Suddenly I felt something... molar broken.

My birthday is next week. So there goes the money to receive some friends at home.
The dentist has become a lot more expensive here....
That was not the way to spend that little bit of money I saved... that little bit that won't be enough...

Saying goobye forever to dearest friend

Step by step life is leaving him.
Tomorrow we're going to speak to each other on the phone and saturday I will visit him at the place where he is now, at the other side of the country.

We planned a day out on a cheap trainticket that enables people to travel by train during one day in the weekend.

I hope to visit chinese friends in Amsterdam and wish them a happy new year, go to the beach, which will be one of the last times as those cheap tickets will disappear, and in the evening we'll visit my friend, spending a lot of money on the bus, but I want to visit him.
It depends on the chat on the phone tomorrow if saturday will be a relaxing day.

I hope I'll be able to see him then and say a proper goodbye.

He's my best friend of over 40 years.
I think he knows me better than anyone else.
So sad... and yet I feel grateful to have known him and take care of his paper.