The continuing story - another try

november 27 2009

Last week we went to a meeting at the daycare to see what they can do to make going there easier for my classic autistic son of 17.

He wanted to know precisely what was expected from him, what he needed to do etc etc.
In fact he wanted to have a video with it all on it. Timetable included.

The same evening he had a mail with two schedules to choose from.

Making a choice is not something he enjoys.
He's rather leave it to someone else, and he blames that person afterwards for what went wrong.

This time he had to make a choice and it took him almost a week.
Again he had a reply that same evening.

He told us he would go today, but after so many promises and disappointments I just kept my distance.

But he went... he really did!!

Ofcourse I hoped he would be at the busstation when it started to rain terribly, and ofcourse I expected him to return telling me he couldn't go there in wet trousers.
But until now he hasn't returned.

He'll be gone for just a few hours this time, but it's a first step...I hope.

The daycare is for people like him, to help them find something they want to do the rest of their lives, and to develop some skills.

He could have done well in school when the people who should have invested in him would have done their job.

But let's hope he can find a way through all his negativity, objections and all the other barricades he created for himself.

It's strange without him here.
A strange kind of freedom has entered the house.
No complaining, no negativity, no meltdowns, no comments on the behaviour of others, no angry words because he can't chose whether he wants something to drink, or what he wants on his bread.

It's a tremendous pity his father has troubles with his knee again and is sleeping on the couch. He can't walk upstairs, and he has heavy painkillers. He snores like hell.

No rest for the wicked!













Join me and others here.
You're very welcome.

Giving Thanks

november 26 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

for those who celebrate it.

Here in this area we're not celebrating something like thanksgiving.
We're preparing for Sinterklaas.

From the second half of november until the night of 5 to 6 december it's Sinterklaastime.

It's the presents taken out of Christmas.

Little children are allowed to put their shoes ready (almost) every evening, with a carrot for the horse of Sinterklaas. In the morning they'll find a small present.
Their gratitude is expressed in songs.

More grown ups restrict their presents to the evening of december 5 and share them with or without poems in the family, group or, like we did when the children were young, with the last presents for the children on the table.
The morning of december 6 they would find their presents and spend all day feeling happy and grateful. (Or angry because they didn't get what they want. LOL!)

It makes christmas a much more pure and more spiritual event, and gratitude more of a daily feeling during the darkest time of the year.

my eyes are OK

november 25 2009

Finally time to go to the hospital to have my eyes checked.

Not my hobby, but it had to be done.
Diabetes can cause small bleeds in the eye and when you're in time these bleeds can be controlled with laser therapy.

The last time I went I dedicated 3 hours to this good cause.
So I wasn't too keen to go.

When I arrived I was send back to the entrance hall because the card I had was not up to date.
Turned out more numbers needed to be added to my hospital ID.
I was told it was a government decision...
I asked if the hospital protested against it.

Silence.

In the waitingroom some woman told me the number was needed because there were people not paying for theit insurance.
I couldn't keep my mouth shut and told her that it was to prevent people who were not admitted as citizens of our country yet to use the medical system. That it was just another example of lack of solidarity and lack of human care for people who have to live in less fortunate conditions than we live in.

An older man beside me gave me a smile.

Well, I was lucky to be called in.

The doc wanted to know everything about my diabetes, but I told her that I stopped remembering all these numbers, because I do what I can to keep control.
And what's the use of her knowing details of it all?
"To be able to tell where abnormalities come from."

Well, there were no abnormalities at all.
Perhaps my eyes are the most normal parts of me. LOL!

I got some drops to widen my pupils and was send to drink a cup of coffee.
One of my sons accompanied me and offered me coffee, but I had to pay. LOL!

When we came back I was called in immediately and 5 minutes later I was send home.

So that was not even 3 quarters of an hour! Wow!

With very dark clouds behind us we walked to my son's new apartment.
It's still a bit empty, but very nice.

He loves chinese things and he'd been able to find some wall hangings, a lamp and some little things.

When I left the rain was pouring.
I was lucky I had my sailor's coat on, but my trousers and shoes were a mess within minutes.

For the first time in ages I was glad to be at home.

A bag that draws the attention, for me!!

november 24 2009

This morning I could hardly get out of bed... me oh my...aching all over from working too much, too hard this weekend.

But then the postman rang at the door and handed me a large box.
I was puzzled...such a nice large box... for me?

The postman had a huge smile and told me I deserved a present and this was it.
Wow!

Ofcourse I should have looked at the labels, but instead I opened it and found my surprise.

I was completely overthrown by it.

Well, I won't make you any more curious.

Lynne, from The Sewing Mom, made a bag last month and when I saw it I immediately fell in love with it.
Living in the country of tulips my eyes were drawn immediately to the lovely bright coloured tulips that were outside and inside the bag, by the butterflies, the stars, the other flowers and the colours.
Even the size meant something, because it was a perfect fit for my smallpipes. (a kind of bagpipes).

I don't like it that everything in the bagpipe world is so man minded, with black bags and carriers. The best concession I could find was dark blue.

And Lynne's bag was precisely what I needed, something really female, very nice, artistic, and the perfect size for the smallpipes.

But her blog didn't say anything about selling, so I assumed she wanted to use it herself. And who could blame her?

But strangely enough the bag kept in my mind and I even carried it in my dreams.
Oh dear!!

Last week I went back to her blog and told her so, and boy, was I surpised and happy she offered the bag for sale, against such a prize that I feel I got it as a present.

I don't often buy something for me, so I sat there in my room with a big smile, enjoying the bright orange and yellow colours (see the square), feeling like it was spring already, instead one of the darkest days of the year with the storm raging around the house and the rain pouring down.

Me oh my, will I give those men at the band a powerful signal that we women really do count in the bagpipers world. And will the women stare with a light of jealousy in the eyes to my bag. I know they will, except for one, who will give me a nice compliment and will tell me she loves the bag. She's the sweetest!!

I love bags, especially handmade ones.
It's so nice to know that someone gave her love and attention to make something beautiful for someone else.

Lynne's bags are made with utter precision. They're firm, and have nice pockets.
You can see the twinbag of mine here, in the etsy shop of her sister. That bag is green, so it's a bit less drawing the attention than mine, but very beautiful and a message from spring.
It makes a lovely gift, so my twins told with a begging smile. (Alas ladies, my paypal is empty.)

I advice you to visit the shop of Karen and Lynne often, because she offers wonderful bags in all sizes and colours.

storm and a fallen tree

november 23 2009

A storm raged over the country.
Warnings were issued for sudden powerful winds, lots of rain and thunder and lightning.
With the floodings in the UK in our minds, we kept a close watch on the amount of rain coming down.

The girls wanted to go to ballet and their father was supposed to fetch them, but he suddenly arrived home, just before they were leaving.
After his knee surgery he never completely recovered and he came home from work early, partly because of the weather and partly because of the pain. He already made an appointment to see the surgeon next week.

So we told the girls to come home by themselves and which road they had to take to be safe from fallen branches and lightning.
I would fetch them in case they would feel afraid.

But as soon as it was dark one of the boys came in to tell one of the old trees had fallen.
Well, with this storm it was to be expected something would happen.

So I went outside.

The tree had dropped on a few bicycles and was resting on the rosestand and the old willow.

It was rather easy to break away the branches, but I had still to manage a 5 to 6 metre of tree which was laying right across the gardenpath.
No one could get his bicycle past it. Couldn't get under, couldn't get over...

So I started to saw.
Above me lots of lightning, which is a bit scary, because the christmastree in our garden is higher than the houses and is the highest tree in the whole neighbourhood.
It was raining with buckets full and the tree was old, so of very firm and solid wood.

It took me quite a while to get the saw halfway.
Then I took the ax and hit very firm.
Which was kind of unpleasant too, because I wasn't sure of the head of the ax was still firm on the wood.

Well, after quite a while I was able to give the tree a good blow with my foot and it separated in two.

After that I got the bottom part loose from the ground and was able to drag the lowest part of the tree at the side of the garden path.

The girls weren't at home yet, so I called them to warn them of the tree in the garden.
It's dark there at evenings like these.

They were near the shopping center, so I walked towards them.
Quite a while ago I bought a sailors coat online for 15 euro and it kept me dry and warm while I leaned into the storm.

It was good to see the girls and walk with them under the trees here, watching for falling branches, but it was even better to go inside.

The coat is in the washing machine now.
The tree was dirty and after the fight with it I was too. LOL!

It feels kind of strange to work in the garden at such a weather.
It's a men's job.
Well, it needed to be done, but after today and yesterday I'm aching all over.

new floor

november 22 2009

For a long time I've been wishing for a new floor in the kitchen and livingroom.
The old one, vinyl tiles, was put there just before my autistic son was born, and it was supposed to last for two years.
He's 17,5 now.

A few weeks ago when we were looking for the table we saw vinyl flooring looking like wood. It was very nice, affordable and a bit darker than the former floor.
I really liked it and said I wanted at least to have the kitchen floor done with it.
To my surprise he said he liked it. I think it helped that it was at an introduction prize... so cheaper.

He fetched enough for the kitchen and this weekend I've put it down.
It looks very nice, and all kids love it.

So maybe, maybe we can get him as far that he gets the same for the livingroom.

We've saved for it for many years and this kind of flooring is very affordable at the moment.

Having a nice floor means such a lot!

Talking in Your Sleep

november 21 2009

1. Has anyone in your life talked in their sleep?

Yes, but most of the time I couldn't understand what was said.
I also observed that most of my children did during early puberty.

2. What do you like about fall?

The colours, and the fruits. But not the decay I see.
I know the fallen leaves provide a hiding place for animals during the winter and that they are fertilizing the soil, but these bare trees make me feel so depressed and lost.

3. Do you have an addictive personality?

No, not at all.
Otherwise I would be boozing all day. I guess.

4. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?

That was Lynne from The Sewing Mom who sold/gave me the bag I was in love with.
Others would have set a high prize for it, knowing I really loved the bag, but she made me very happy by sharing the costs between us.

5. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?

I have...had no choice with small children, 4 of them having special needs.

6. Are you happy with where you are in life?

No!!!!!
I can hardly find satisfaction dealing on a day to day basis with someone who resists all growth, fighting bureaucracy, substituting the lack of care of others, organisations and institutions, fighting their mistakes, and seeing and feeling myself grow old far too fast.
I know I have talents and I would want to use them more and with more effect to others.
Let me take over Oprah's show. OK!

7. Do you believe that you can change someone?

I have, more than once. Just by holding up the mirror they needed. I'm a psychologist, I would have been a bad one when change wouldn't have been the result.

8. Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?

Yes, but not as bad that I started to manipulate.

There are still a few men I have a soft spot for. One of them got lost when he moved from one country to another. He still pops up in my mind.

9. Would you ever fight someone over your significant other?

I don't understand the question.

Want to take part too?
Click the logo.




Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
You can request the logo, but only when you'll credit properly.

bowl of autism wisdom #1

november 20 2009

Because he needed support at school, we decided that son nr 3 who was already diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia would be officially diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

I either expected asperger disorder or PDD-NOS and didn't worry a bit about the outcome.
With a family with so many autistic people he was just one more who fitted in the picture. One characteristic showed a bit more, and another a bit less.

We thought it best that he would be diagnosed by the child and young people psychiatrist, instead of by the adult psychiatrist. (He's 18) At the organization they work so much more efficient and they're very kind and are used to parents who want to be involved.

We were surprised that they'd changed the efficient protocol and talked to the parents after seeing him and testing him.
I was even more surprised when they fired a whole bunch of questions to me during a session of more than 3 hours!! I was exhausted!!

The result took a lot longer than with the other children and when we asked we were told they had a few difficulties deciding because his thinking seemed to be so chaotic.

The normal meeting in which parents and child hear the diagnosis was skipped and today I got the concept of the diagnosis in the mail.

It's OK with me to do it that way, so I sat down with a cup of coffee and started to read.

I was surprised by some findings.
"no impulsivity"... if anyone is impulsive it's this young man...
etc etc.

And the diagnosis: schizoid characteristics

You should have seen my face!!

Maybe the woman who'd done the tests used the DSM III, instead of DSM IV-TR, to check her findings, maybe she forgot to read the chapter about autism, or maybe she wanted a change in our family.
I just don't know.

But I don't agree at all.

Isn't it great to be a psychologist myself? LOL!
Wish I was just a stupid human being accepting everything I'm told.

Instead I mailed the professor that I didn't agree at all and wanted the testresults so I could have a look myself and give a scientific basis for my rejection.

So here we go again with another series of posts about autism, called: bowl of autism wisdom.

I hope to get things settled well soon, so my son gets the support he needs in the right setting instead of the fear of his life to have the genetical make-up of someone with schizoid traits.

Healthy eating habits for children

november 19 2009

I was surfing around a bit and found a blogpost about appetite enhancers for children.

I can't believe parents would use them to make their children eat, or eat more.
It's like everything is medicalised these days.
Children don't eat a proper breakfast, but get something out of a bag, with some pills beside the plate

We're lucky to live in a country where the whole society considers it normal that parents are at home during dinnertime, but I know there are countries where it's normal for children to prepare their own meal in the microwave.

Almost all children go through periods of less eating.
Children don't develop evenly. At times they grow their body, at times they grow their mind, their social life or motorskills.

Children are able to feel what they need, unless that feeling is gone due to insane eating habits from the parents, bad raising or illness.

Children who don't want to eat don't need the food, otherwise they'll get hungry.
They won't be harmed by skipping a meal, they're just getting more aware of how their body feels.

The problem is most of the time a problem of the parents.

Parents want their children to eat certain quantities at a meal.
Often they're not even aware of the fact that the children have snacks and sweets that inhibit their appetite.

When you want your children to eat during a meal, then raise them without in-betweens, and only serve dessert when they've eaten enough healthy stuff.

This also will prevent childhood obesity.

Don't think that you'll teach your child healthy eating habits by making them use vitamins, appetizers or anything else chemically.

Nature provides......

Stand and be counted

This is a sponsored guest post written by Cody Sortore on behalf of Petitions For Change. Post powered by Sponzai.

We are living in a time of change, will your voice be heard? We've just come out of a recession with some of the lowest employment ratings since the early 80's company's are restructuring, banks are rethinking their strategies, and governments are pushing for change in every direction. Will you have a say in the change that is to come? Stand up and let the world hear what you have to say with a free online petition. Gather support for your cause and create the change that so desperately needs to be seen in this world.



People are starting to realize that the system that we devised won't last forever, and they are starting to plan for the future. Let the world know that you won't have your life planned for this time without a voice. Whether you are looking to stand up against Religious Oppression, or if you think the Government has become too powerful it is your right as a human being to take a stand against any and all oppression.



With PetitionsForChange.com you can create a petition and collect signatures that will allow you to know exact who is for, and who is against your cause. Unlike some other petition websites Petitions For Change allows people to sign a petition in opposition. You can also link back to a page about your cause to help inform those who may be on the fence about the issue in greater detail.



First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States states:

"Congress shall make no law...abridging...the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."



It is because of this Amendment to the Constitution that all Americans have the right to petition against injustice, it is because of PetitionsForChange.com that all around the world you may share in this freedom! Take a stand today on whatever you are passionate about, and be heard with a free online petition. It's very easy to get the word out about your cause, just visit PetitionsForChange.com and take a stand against any and all afflictions of this world. Stand up and be counted today before tomorrow passes you by.

Happy birthday girls!!!

november 18 2009


Happy birthday girls!!

I'm very proud you're becoming such a wonderful young women.

Today you're having a great time at school, because it's a day full of special projects and cultural events.
And no homework!!

Maybe we can find a few moments to hop over to the shopping centre, or have some girl's time here at home.
Your dad took your autistic brother with him for an hour or so, so we're finally without the pressure he causes.

Let's have fun!!

the birth of the twins

november 17 2009



Tomorrow is the birthday of my twingirls.
They're growing up far too fast.
14 they'll be.

I'm amazed that such tiny babies have become the young ladies they are. Competing with my length, with their own opinions, they own style of dressing.

Their pregnancy was a high risk one, due to the fact that my second baby died after birth and the pregnancy before them ended in the stillbirth of a small girl.
So expecting two babies was very stressful for all.
Because of that a special echo was made at week 20.
I'll never know if the cardiologist saw what I saw: 2 girls.

It's the best kept secret, I think.

When I was near the end of pregnancy the amount of rhesus antibodies went up, so I was admitted to hospital.
We were at a room of 4.
One of them was not very social, but the other 2 were very kind.
We all lost at least one baby before, so we shared a lot of feelings.
We cried and we had an enormous amount of fun.
Especially when I had to walk to the bathroom we nearly burst our bellies.
When I pushed back the sheets we started, because I was like a balloon with small legs, trying to get the legs beside the bed.
3 steps meant I could use the bed of my neighbour either to rest or to hold firmly, waiting until I caught my breath again.
Moving past the bed was 3 other steps, and then I had to bridge 7 to the doorpost. LOL!

Giving birth was a special event for two of my friends. I asked them to join us, in case the twins each had to go their own way. So there would always be someone with the twins and with me.
Another friend, a midwife, called she couldn't come because she had to go to another delivery, but when I was fully dilated she suddenly turned up.

The gyneacologist/obstetrician was a friend who delivered some of the other babies too, and he was assisted by my favorite gyneacologist/obstetrician.

Baby 1 was born very soon.
Me oh my, when my other deliveries would have been that easy I would have had more babies, be sure of that.

The whole situation was under echographic control, so I could see the second baby was lying perfect when the first one was born. I caught her intuitively between my hands, to prevent her turning. She suddenly had so much space.
One of the obstetricians wanted to take over, but I didn't want to take the risk of her slipping away and blocking the birthcanal.

They wanted me to wait about half an hour before she would be born, but I just started to push and guided her out with my hands.
Huh, giving birth is a moms's job, they're to assist. LOL!
My midwife friend had a good laugh, talking about my single Scottish gene making me stubborn even during giving birth to twins.

The girls were both taken to another room and if I had been able to walk I would have gone with them.
I hated them leaving the room, and it was against all we agreed about the situation.
But the men were afraid the girls wouldn't make it and they didn't want me to witness that. I am still not agreeing with them, especially not as my first girl died in my arms. It's not death which makes people afraid, it's not understanding that a living human being suddenly has no soul.

Well, the girls needed two complete exchange transfusions and two bloodtransfusions before they were safe and alive enough to go home.

Two lovely babies, tomorrow two young women celebrating the day the faced the world.

Manic Monday #189

november 16 2009

You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.

How do you spend the next fourteen days?

Well, I've dealt with a brain tumor. Didn't need surgery. It was cured with meds.

Spending 14 days before loosing part of myself... Hmmm...
I would inform important people, record what I want to say to the world and move to Scotland as soon as possible.

Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.

What do you talk about?

Wouldn't be a large party.
I've always been far too shy for one night stands and such.

My speech will address the fact that each of them are people which are "different".
They were all surprising.

One became the husband, because I thought he would be a place of rest for my soul.
Instead of that my soul fell in a pit, because of his autism.
The loneliness was so deep, that it seamed to be the main issue I had to conquer in my life.

One I respected for the way he dared to be himself.
Being with him was a mix of resting my head against his shoulder and acceptance of him and myself.
He seemed to be a person who allowed other people to be free while searching for his own freedom.
Our relationship was a roller coaster, with him directing speed and direction.
When he found his own freedom, I was able to see myself in the mirror and assume the roles he left. Being a mom to his son was one step too far. I should have stayed shy, silent, and accepting him completely.
So he threw me out of his life, and I tried to fight back, which made him só angry.
I never know why he told me so many years to find my own identity and when I did he used it to kick against it.
What hurt me most was that his son and I really loved each other and he split us up, leaving the boy with another woman leaving him. I never got the chance to explain.

Years later I saw the father again and he still harboured a grudge.
So far for giving people the freedom to be.

I still felt love towards him.
I think we need to work that out in a next life.

Person 3 has been my home.
He still makes me smile when I think about him.
He respected me, and made me respect myself, my love for other people.
We were blown towards each other by the wind and with the same movement we were blown away from each other.
It's how life is sometimes.

I hope I can be his home and resting place when we are old.

When they all three would die, I'll miss him most, even though we're not able to live together right now.
He's too restless, too much himself, without taking away something from me.
He's the only one who has never ever hurt me, who respects me fully and makes me feel whole.

You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.

Which option do you select?

OK, send me to the moon.

Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
It's permitted to download it to your own computer and upload it to your site.
Please don´t direct link, as it slows down my site. I´ll change the link regularly so you´re left with an empty space or a red warning sign.
Please credit properly.

Unrest at school

November 15 2009

When the girls applied for a certain school we were guaranteed that it was 98% true that the school was bully free.

I've never believed in that dream, not after my boys visited school that guaranteed the same and made a mess of it.

Last year it was said the group of the girls was "noisy".

I complained a few times about bullying, but there seemed to be a certain level of problems all the time.

This year we heard more complained about the group and I stirred quite some emotions by telling the school that one of my daughters was hindered leaving the park near the school after they had a nice time enjoying the sun. Two girls blocked 4 others over and over again until a woman stopped them.
I gave the school a choice: police or action.

Action was taken.

But the group stayed noisy and unbalanced, so both girls started to complain and one got lower results at school.

This weekend we got a mail from the contact parents: the school was taking action.

Well, I don't think talking and threatening with an hour more at school will help.

I mailed back that I missed intervision, a good look at the role of the teachers (one bullied one of my girls during a test!!!), observation in the classroom, individual counseling for the bullies and those who create unrest, and positive reinforcement for those who do well.

I also told my girls to tell their mentor the school would get a month to get matters better otherwise we would want our girls to go to another group.
The answer amazed the girls: "that doesn't help, because the problems of unrest are in all groups."
A teacher who overheard their request said the same.

Ofcourse I know lack of concentration, bullying and unrest are problems at most schools.
But I'm surprised by the fact that this school admits children with a 98% guarantee they can handle it.

They just can't.

Man on the Moon

november 14 2009



1. Do you think it was important to send a man to the moon?

Yes, and it's even more important to send a woman to the moon.
Just ask me. LOL!

It's important to research the possibilities of living at other planets and livingfacilities in space.

(I wonder though how fast the environment is polluted there.)

2. What is your biggest fear?

Burning alive.
My other fear is having a heart attack because of my autistic son.

3. If someone hung a sign around your neck today, what would it say and why?

Ready to scream!!

4. What is the longest line that you've stood in and was it worth it?

Don't know.
Maybe it was before the Tower of London.

5. As the holidays approach, what song are looking forward to hearing again?

The first noel.

6. Whose music do you think is the most important of your generation's?

Of my generation?
Hmm... the Beatles I think, but I also think that Velvet Underground did a lot for non-mainstream music.

7. Do you find it is to be kind to strangers? Give an example.

Huh?
If it's important to be kind of strangers?

Yes, I think so.

I think people are less aggressive when you treat them kind and nice.
With kindness understanding is promoted, as we all need that.

A smile doesn't cost a thing.

8. When do usually lose your patience?

When the father of the kids talks to me like my IQ is far below zero.
I've got my university degree, and my practical intelligence is far higher than his, so come on.
I'm not even blonde.

I also tend to loose my patience when my autistic son is too long blaming others for his terrible behaviour.
He makes his own wrong choices.
I've raised him well, with all I had, so don't come and tell me that I'm a bad person and a bad mother.

9. Is there a book that you're dying to see as a movie?

Yep, the book I'm writing about my life.
Well, a soap opera would be far better.

Want to take part too?
Click the logo.




Logo made by me with tubes from Outlaw by Design.
You can request the logo, but only when you'll credit properly.