10 march 2007 memories

This week I saw the photo of the love of my life on internet.

I can't get rid of the image... it's glued in my brains.

All sorts of memories take me back to the time I was so happy and life seemed to smile at me.
Our long walks to the woods, our smiles at school.

He had big hands, and I still can feel them resting at my shoulder... the smell of his jacket...

We talked about marrying... first finish our education...

He went to another town... and his visits got less and then stopped.

I struggled between letting him free to discover studentlife at that town, and the need to know why there was such a big silence.


Three years later, maybe even more, I bumped... litteraly bumped against him at university.. at my department.
Even when I had been blind I would have known it was him...
Even then I felt special, at home, safe, growing beautiful...

But after bumping against him, and he looking at me, I turned and walked away........

A mutual friend found me in the restaurant, drinking coffee and staring in front of me...
He advised me to make an appointment and go and visit him,

and so I did.

We had a great day together, and he made me understand why there had been such an intense silence.
While he was buying some special bread, I looked in his bookcase...
Found the present he bought to me for my birthday, still wrapped in the paper of the bookshop I knew so well.

When he came back he smiled, and gave it to me.

At the end of the day he brought me to the bus... "wait for me another three years"...

I told him to feel free.

I should have waited... maybe I should...

Not because he has become one of the richest people in the world.
I don't care.

But because my heart jumped from joy when I saw him coming to our group at the schoolreunion.
Others saw it too.
Saw his reaction too.

We were both married, had a large family...

But I felt happy...

"See you later", he said...
and when it was a bit later, he was gone......

Without saying goodbye...

And now I see his photo.. somewhere in my mind.
No need to see the real image.

And I can only cry.....