I didn't like this day

august 16 2007

I didn't like this day...not at all.

We always try to give each child the opportunity to go where he wants to go in the summervacation.
We can't go all together, so dad takes the children on a trip.
He can travel by train for free and take someone with him for 60% of the fee.

Today he was supposed to go with his autistic son.

I already planned to clean windows, do a few jobs he doesn't like to be done because of the smell of cleaning liquid.
I also longed for some silence in my head and a day without anticipating problems, strategic thinking and correcting behaviour.

One enormous shower of rain made him back out of the plan.

I had a meeting about the plans of my oldest to move out, and when we came back the house was full of stress.

I guess the boy in question was angry at himself, but couldn't break though his own problems.
Nor could his dad.

It took me hours to calm him down, but when an older brother came in it all started again.
The complaining, the repetitive movements, and the loud talking. Ugh.

Instead of some silence at the time my little baby died so many years before, I was caught up in the feeling of desperation.
There is always someone not content... and it eats energy.

Near dinnertime I was ready to throw all peeled potatoes right in his face, colouring his eyes an interesting array of colours. But instead I cooked them, browned the chicken and cooked vegetables.
My head was aching, and I felt so angry with him and life.

Then suddenly I told him to keep his mouth closed for a minute and listen.
"You're going to The Hague with your father on sunday. You will go by train.
You can have a walk near the govenrmental buildings, go to sea and get shells, and when you don't like this you have to come up with something else."

He was caught.
Went to look up The Hague on internet, then got himself lost in eating dinner and forgot he was in a superdedupercomplaining mood before.

He didn't even complain about desert.