no slaps - potty training and respect

december 3 2008

The way one deals with motherhood says a lot about someone's character and maybe even about the future of the child.

I've never slapped my children, let alone gave them a, what some people call, "good" spanking.

Lately I've had a discussion with someone online because I commented on her slapping her child to get him potty trained.
The result was a kind of child abuse promotion from her friends coming to her rescue.
Disgusting!

I don't slap my children for several reasons.

One of them is that I don't own their bodies.

What I do with mine is up to me, but what I do with theirs is completely different.

I feel I have to respect their bodies, at least to teach them their bodies deserve respect and no one, not one person, should abuse them in any way.

A slap is a way to bring a message across I can't bring across in another way.
So to me it's a sign of failure.
It's an easy way to get something accomplished without having to look at myself and ask myself why I can't influence my child enough to make it do what I want.

There are so many ways to bring messages across, that I wonder if mothers like those lack the creativity and knowledge about their child to find a peaceful way to get things accomplished.
With my girls I've found out that having a very good bond is enough.
They know I won't ask something without a reason.

One of them was a kind of easygoing when she was younger, and I sometimes had to use my brains and intuition to motivate her.
Promising to do my best for things she thought to be important was often enough.
I got her potty trained by showing that washing her clothes was taking time and resulted in my being later to start cooking and me being more tired too.
As she thought her dinner to be important, she wanted me to put energy in it, so returned the energy by trying to be a potty trained girl.

Even the boys, who lack understanding for the feelings of others could be trained without slaps or anything else that hurt them.
I kept my self respect and my children kept their respect.
How?

By signing of suns on a chart and promising to feed the ducks together.

When people say they spank children to make them behave, I think they should ask themselves a lot of questions.
Ignoring the fact that a child might feel hurt, says something about ignoring a child's need to feel save and cared for.
You can't erase a slap with telling the child you slap him because you love him.

Or do you accept your husband slapping you because he wants a well cooked meal this weekend and wants to motivate you?

Wrong example?

Really?