She passed away

june 21 2009



She was born in a large family, married to someone who wasn't accepted by her family, and got three children.

Her life was tragic.
A husband who never trusted her.
He was as paranoid that he wasn't able to let her go to the physiotherapist, without questioning her about the man who left through the same door.

Through the years they got a balance in the way they both perceived the world.

When they met me, history repeated itself.
I wasn't accepted, was followed in the streets to control me and often I was told their son should have married M, a nice girl living in the neighbourhood.

Ofcourse I assumed that the first grandchild would change the world.
I was wrong. The distance between both families only grew larger.

When her husband died we thought things would change.
In a way it did.
She got more social contacts, was able to go shopping and have fun fitting dresses with a family member.
She saw some of her grandchildren before her mind started to dwell in the past and moments of the present faded away more quickly than they happened.

Ignoring herself, her happiness and her wellbeing had become such a way of life that she detected her cancer far too late.
Surgery last week should have brought her more time to experience freedom, but instead she became agitated, wanted to go home.
The last image of her is one of goodbyes.

While her son walked away to go home, wondering whether she even knew who had been there, she leaned on her stick and suddenly clearly asked him to greet her grandchildren and me.

It was her first and last effort to tie a knot between us all.
Maybe a way of giving forgiveness a chance.
She bridged the gap of time and place.
I hope we both smiled.

In a moment of delusion she ripped open the stitches and caused herself so much harm that she needed more surgery.

This morning the hospital told us that they wanted to speak with the sons.
We expected this would be her last day.

In the evening she slowly passed.

She never regained consciousness after the last surgery.

I'm so glad that at least death was kind to her.