manic monday 126

july 21 2008


Manic Monday #126

What's your favorite beach in the world?

Ha...I haven't seen many beaches, only the one at our coast.
It's perfectly OK for me, although I have to say that at times I dream of tall palmtrees framing a panoramic view of a tropical beach at an uninhabited island.

Especially at days like today, when the winds and rain keep on burdening us.

What's the next country you want to visit?

Next of what?

I haven't been to Scotland yet.

What one thing are you craving today?

Sun, and an icecream with eggnog and chocolate.......


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Talking or listening, God and first love

june 23 2008


Manic Monday #122

Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?

Oh yes, it's possible.

As a psychologist I have to be able to listen well, to hear the untold, but I also have to be able to talk well, to convey my message, to ask my questions.

Outside my profession I can be both a talker and listener too.
Not always at the same time.

There are social events, like some birthdays, where I hardly say a word. These are the times that a sweet smile does wonders. Helping someone who can't reach for a cup of coffee.
I used to be ashy, and at those moments I either feel at ease or sink back in the past feelings.
As long as other people don't mind I don't.

But I can also be the person who gets a whole party going.
Sometimes people even invite me for that.
When I feel OK, I'm able to radiate that and it influneces people in a good way, I've been told.


Do you think God has a sense of humor?

No.
He's almighty, it's said. But the way people suffer in this world makes me doubt a god like a picture of a human being excists.

I don't think that God can be described as a human being.
So humor isn't a characteristic.

I don't want to offend people reading this, but I think that people create their own god in their minds and it's often like a person.
That's why they can say that countries are blessed, or wars.

I don't believe that.

What I do believe is that there's a power that is much larger than we can understand.
The power that has set this universe in motion.

The way I reach out is in human words, in a human frame of mind, with human feelings.
It's like stretching my hand out in the evening starlit sky.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you ever experienced it?

Yes, I do believe in love at first sight and I've experienced it.
More than once.

The times following those moments were among the most beautiful of my life.
Sadly life itself was stronger than the loves.


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Manic Monday #121

june 17 2008

If your personality had to be summed up as a sandwich, what kind of sandwich would you be?

Hmmm...
I'm not sure I'm a sandwich.
I'm a breadroll.
A hard crust. Maybe looking shiny or very delicious when you look at it. But it will take effort to bit through and get to the soft part.
The bread itself is soft and sweet.
The filling is an adenture of all sorts of tastes.
Spicy, herbal, sugary... you name it, and it's there.
You just have to take your time and enjoy each and every little small bite.

If you knew that someone was dying, but they didn’t know, would you tell them the truth or deceive them about it?

I've worked with people at the end of their lives.
I belief everyone senses the end.
So I would listen carefull and I would be truthfull about it when the subject is brought up.

Do you dress the same when you are depressed as you do when you are very happy?

No.
During my studies there was so much information about how people express their feelings, that I decided that I would never give my feelings away like that.
So I can be happy in black.

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manic monday #119

june 2 2008

You have accomplished a difficult task and hear someone else taking the credit. How do you deal with the situation?

Haha...story of my life.
I've taught my ego to shut up.

Ofcourse there are moments I hate it when people run away with my ideas, but I try to tell myself that it's OK that I myself know where certain improvements came from.

Sometimes, when it's an article or a graphic or photo, I can proof directly it's mine.
Graphical material can be pixeled with a signature or watermarked.
Written material often is deposited. I'm on the official list of authors who are paid for the use of copyright, so ...

In the case I can proof ownership I approach the person involved and carefully state that there has been made a mistake.
When something is stolen intentionally, the reaction says enough.
I'm not afraid to report to the authorities.

But with ideas, it's most often only friends and direct family who know I tried to channel an idea to the person who can take action and change matters.
I'm glad when my criticism and ideas can improve matters and life for others. So so be it.

If you had to marry someone that you presently know unromantically, and spend the rest of your life as their spouse, who would you choose?

Right now... I just don't know.

There's one person I can imagine being part of my old days. He's too much of an individual at the moment to live with someone.

I don't know any men who are about my age and free.

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now?

Yep, I would tidy my house.

As a matter of fact I'm high risk due to some diseases that all carry a high risk of heart failure.
I've learned I can't live like this is my last day.

I think I'd have a hard time accepting I can't do a lot of things I thought I'd be able to do later in life.
Travelling, some things to do with music, meeting online friends.

But when life is coming to an end, the focus one has is more and more on a small part of life.

I think I'd miss some friends of the past even more than I do now.
So maybe I'll have a last try to find them.

It all depends so much on why I would die.

But I've always said that when I knew I would die in the near future i would travel to Mali and walk straight into the desert.


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waiting and remodelling

may 26 2008

Do good things come to those who wait?

It's said so, but I've never experienced it.
I've been sitting on my bench waiting for the gold to arrive. Nothing happened.
I've been sitting in front of my computer, waiting for some marvellous opportuity to arrive. Nothing happened.

So to my opinion you have to work very hard to realise your dreams, because the wind won't do the world for you.

Your best friend's spouse is being unfaithful. Would you tell your friend? If so, how?

I would go to him and the woman he's unfaithful with and jump in at exactly the most interesting moment.

Then I would ask them both if it's worth ruining a family life.

Which part of your body do you like the least? Would you change it through plastic surgery, if possible?

Only one part?
That's not enough now gravity has taken over my life.

I guess there's no cosmetic surgeon who would burn his fingers on remodelling me.
But please, please...have a go!
And pay it yourself for having the fun.


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About perfection - manic monday

may 19 2008

If you knew that every minute of the next 24 hours of your life would be recorded on camera is there anything you would change about your habits?

Yes. I'm sure, because I don't like being photographed, and I sure don't like being recorded by camera.

I would dress better, because I have the habit to wear comfortable clothes when I'm working at home.
I would put on my rather new (5 year old) glasses, instead of the very old ones I wear at home. I won't mind when they fall, drop in the water or get splashed all over.
I would sing less...

If you could take a one-month trip to any single destination in the world and money is not a consideration, where would you go?

If it was for me: Mali.
If it was for me and my Scottish genes: Scotland
If it was for me and my friends: I'd make a trip around the world visiting all my online friends.

What is the best example of “perfection” that you can think of?

That's one of the most difficult questions... well, the question is OK. But the answer....

I was about to say nature... but two of my babies died, and they both were beautiful, so it's only part of nature. Like the moon in the sky yesterday, the butterfly on the rose.
Or maybe I should take a step backwards and see that over the ages, all is in balance anyway. Because my excistence just doesn't matter.

Perfection is like happiness.
It's how you experience it.
It's when you're open for it and realise it's perfection.

Sometimes the look of a child is perfection,
sometimes a song.

To me the moment I was confronted with perfection best was when my little lady was born.
She was dead.
But she had the most beautiful feet in the world.

That was perfection, because it erased all my pain, my grief, and just took me away from life itself.


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manic monday

may 12 2008

If the statement, 'You are what you eat' was true, I would be a _______.

Gingerbreadwoman.

Each morning I eat a slice of peperkoek.
That's a kind of gingerbread.

It's the only breakfast that keeps my diabetes in balance.

I just can't do without.

If you had to have one piece of music (softly) playing in your mind for the rest of your life, what would you want it to be?

Oh dear. That depends.
Right now it would be Pachelbel.

What is the most important thing in any relationship?

Well, I can't answer the question, as no relationship and fiendship are relationships too.

But considering you mean a loving relationship I would say:
love, trust, care.
You have to keep talking, and you have to keep investing.

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manic monday

may 5 2008

What name would you want have if you were the opposite sex?

I don't know.
But it should be a superextra name.

Would you share the tooth brush of your spouse/significant other? Why or why not?

I have my own. And some reserves.

What is a song that you love to hate?

Hmmm... I have to think about this one.

I have songs I hate, like the smurfensong, but one "I love to hate"?
Dunno.

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manic monday

april 21 2008

Who is the black sheep in your family/group?

I am. I'm the black sheep of the family.
Whenever I did something I got comments. No matter what. My actions, looks, Whatever.
How often I have been told that I am a very friendly and caring person and that that makes up for my looks. Oh my dear! I wasn't a monkey... just a grey mouse.

Well, nature took revenge.
My skin is very well preserved. Hardly a wrinkle!

When I graduated from university none attended. I did what they couldn't.

I always tried to live up to expectations, but it wasn't enough.

I tried to surpass my feelings. My grandmother died.
Then the inheritance needed to be divided. I said nothing.
At the moment they realised almost everything of my grandmother had left the house.
I love clocks, so I got the old clock. It was broken.

Then even over a broken clock of about 39 dollars they had a fight.
Well, the clock can't help it. I still have it hanging on the wall, because my grandmother loved it.

When I tried to tell that one of the boys had ADHD, I was told I had to bring them up better and that ADHD was complete nonsense.
That was it!

It was the so maniest time my children weren't accepted.
And the so maniest time I was told I wasn't good enough for this world.

I've never seen my mother since, and the rest of the family stayed away. I guess they believe what she says.

Well, at least I know I'm a good mother.
My autistic son would be in a home when I didn't fight for his happiness.
Life would be easier, but at least I let my feelings speak.

If you were a character from a book, what character would you be?

The traveller.
The winner of the first Nobel Prize for childcare.

What's your favorite accent?

Scottish, and according to my scottish friends I'm good at it. LOL!




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manic monday

april 14 2008

Is there anything for which you would willingly give your life?

Hmm...anything, not anyone?
Well, if I could create everlasting worldpeace with my death...shoot me.

Right now I'm giving up a real life for the care of my children, so in a way one could say I'm giving up my life for autism.

How would you communicate with someone if you didn't share a common language?

Hands, feet, gestures and trying to learn the language of the other.
Maybe drawing in the sand, pointing things out, and otherwise I would try to find out which language that person is speaking and search on internet for a translation. LOL!

Where is your ideal place/location to have a wedding?

I'm going to marry again?

Woopie!! I hope it's someone who really cares for me this time.

I'm OK with the beach, on the highest hill in the Lakedistrict England, or somewhere in Scotland.

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manic monday

april 8 2008

Is there any question you can't look up the answer to on the internet?

Oh yes, emailadresses, mobile phones.
Sometimes I need to find an identity behind a phonenumber and I can't find it.

And I have an old friend who moved or is moving from the USA to Europe and I can't find him.

Invent a new word that you feel would improve the language and define it.

I have to think about an answer to this question.

What is your favorite texture?

Texture...

I like wood.

manic monday

march 31 2008

What is the sexiest part of the body?

Hmmm... I don't think about myself that way.
I've been told my eyes, so I'll stick to that.

If you kissed a frog, who would you like it to turn into?

Depends on who or what I need that day.

I've been terribly in love with Ron Ely, the Tarzan of the sixties and seventies.
When I saw him years later I was surprised I still fell for him. Observing him I realised he's a combination of my first love, my secret love and someone I sure would have as a friend or more.

So I wouldn't mind the frog would turn into Ron Ely.

What do you have stuck up on your refrigerator right now?

Nothing.
I don't like to have things on the refridgerator.
I have tried sticky notes on the fridge to act like everyone else, and I just forgot to look.

I have a noticeboard in the kitchen for groceries, at the toilet for leaflets and such, and one near the stairs for schoolthings and drawings and such.

Appointments land in my agenda.

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manic monday

march 17 2008

If you could have any music group or musician play at a party, who would you hire?

Howe I feel at the moment?
Janis Joplin.
But as she is already enjoying the grass from the wrong side,
I think I seriously would consider Ramses Shaffy.
He's a famous, dutch, inspiring mucisian, and I've always wished to meet him.

Or when you all are bound to come in, I'd better ask Santana. OK?

Name three things to be happy about today.

I don't have the faintest idea.

I hardly slept last night, because I was afraid my ADHD son would oversleep. He went to england early this morning for a schooltrip.
I'm not happy with the people who have to supervise the group, ::see here:: and I tried to go with them myself. I could find a B&B, but couldn't find a lst minute flight from the airport nearby for yesterday or today.

After he left, I went to bed and was nearly asleep when they renovation activities started in the neighbouring house.

So I showered, cup of coffee and internet, and found out that McCallum won't make the smallpipes the way I want them, with no nickel, no imitation invory, so they'll be far too expensive for what the dollar is worth at the moment...

Opening my mail I found out that there was a reply of the schoolleader about his interpretation of the relationship between my autistic son and the auticlass.
As I thought, he was informed there was a place for my son at the auticlass, and he was going to do his final exam at his (then former) school. That's why he reported us as criminals to the council. Our son is not visiting that school.

It's a rather painful subject, as that school doesn't want our son, because it breaks the daily routine of the other autists there.

So I've just mailed the guy to set him straight.
Luckily he also mailed by whom he was informed.
So I mailed that woman, so she can put things straight. She misunderstood the information she got, for the somaniest time!!!!!!!

Now I hope the schoolleader tries again to get my son admitted at the auticlass. I told him so.
THAT would make me happy.

So right now I don't expect something happy today.
On top of it I have an aching throat, as have 4 others here...

How do you release frustration?

Seeking the cause and try to set things straight.
I use the mail.
When I can't solve the problem that causes the frustration I get the next item that's on my list of "things to change" and invest my energy there.
Otherwise I can start working: laundry, cleaning.

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manic monday

march 11 2008

What's your favorite thing to spend money on?

That's a difficult question.
I don't have much money, so it's always something I need.
But I would love to have a larger house, love to travel and I would love to have enough money for my smallpipes.

But maybe I'd just spend it on a private tutor for my son.

If you could retire tomorrow what would you do?

Can one retire from being a stay at home mom? LOL!

Maybe about the same as I do now, but with older children.
But I would love....see 1.

Should anything be censored and if so, what and why?

Maybe all those wars should be kept out of the news, so peoples emotions won't rise as high on false information and lack of understanding.

Maybe the negative attitude towards young people should be censored, so all those good young people won't have to suffer from the sterotype created by some careless teens.

I'm against censoring, so this answer should be censored.

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manic monday

march 3 2008

You find that your best friend has stolen money to pay for medical treatment for a seriously ill relative. What would you do?

I don't know.
That's not an easy way out, but I just don't know.

We have insurance here for everyone, so there's no need to steal money.

So when money is stolen it's for treatment which won't be provided by the normal system.

I probably first would want to know the details of the medical problems. Former treatments and such too.
Then I would research the treatment which is wanted.

Maybe...maybe, when the treatment is a cure, and not an extension of life for a week or so, it would make me feel the treatment is really needed.

That would change my feelings towards theft.

Ofcourse I would try to find a way to get it all paid in a legal way and to have the person pay back what's stolen.

What three things you regret not learning to do?

1. Skiing
2. ski diving
3. jewelry making

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manic monday

february 15 2008

How did you celebrate your last birthday?

Quite boring actually.
The girls gave me a present in the morning, and a friend visited in the afternoon.
That was it.

What's the last thing you bought yourself, just for fun?

A little booklet of Marjolein Bastin in the sales. You can find it here.
It's perfect for writing down birthdays.

I love her drawings and I would love to have something more from here. like the bedcover.
Can't have it all, can we?

What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?

I think she would be amazed by the way I stand up for my children and wsh someone would stand up for her too.
It's strange to say, but she would want to have me as a mom.

I was a very shy child, not very appreciated by my mother.
When I was 4 she had me go out to buy the groceries.
I still can't understand why so young.
I had to clean a lot in the house too. I still hate doing it.
And she used to hit me a lot, and belittle me day by day.

I have learned myself not to let the past influence me in a negative way.
The times with my grandmother were far more important for the person I have become.
I also decided when I was young that I wouldn't fit in the theories of some socalled scientists that children of abusive mothers will become abusive too, or will become bad mothers.
I promised myself not to become a victim of the past.

Looking back I see I have missed one important aspect of it all.
I married the first guy that was nice to me. I mistook attention for real love, and I mistook being in love for real love.
It took so long to realise that!

So I guess I'm one of the least hugged people in the world, when it comes to parents and partner.
But I'm glad I have some nice children.
Especially with the girls I have a very good relationship, and I've been able to teach them what my mother didn't tell me.

So my little me can feel at rest. I struggled myself out of the past in a rather good way.

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manic monday

february 18 2008

What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

Well, as we have 7 or 8 mouths to feed, a day, at least, it's never expensive.
We'll get get-away. And most of the time it's nassi, bami, eggrol, springroll, sometimes Fried Chicken in Ginger Sauce.

How much have you controlled the course your life has taken?

Haha...
I don't think I'm in control. Life is.

I controlled the amount of children... well, Not completely. When I wished for one, as a last, I got two. LOL!
But I didn't control how the children would be.

Whose opinion do you value when deciding how to vote?

My own.
We have a simple system.
A multiparty system.
Each party writes a partyplan, inclcuding desicions they want to make on areas like education, healthcare, economics, etc etc.

So it's a matter of deciding what's important to me, where I find the most I want, and where I find the most powers to realise the plans.

So I vote for that party, and only when there's a favorite in that party I vote for that person.


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manic monday

january 28 2008

If you could have a servant come to your house every day for one hour, what would you have them do?

A servant??
I probably just would give a coffee and have a talk.
A servant!!

On the other hand... it depends what kind of servant and what time.

In the morning I would give a psychological assistant the task to get my autistic son to school. I'm sure my bloodpressure would drop soooo much, they would fear for my life. LOL!

In the afternoon I would give him the task to get my children clean their rooms.
Supervision, some help here and there.

Has your life ever been changed by an apparently random occurrence?

Yea... isn't eveything what goes on in life ad random?
I have to believe that, otherwise there's a cause for everything that happens in my life.
Either me... I'm not THAT bad!!!
or a God... why choose me for all this? Spread it out over more people, please!!!
or a force... get lost! I've had enough!!!

You're having dinner with several friends and acquaintances. They all criticize a close friend of yours (not knowing he/she is a friend). The criticism is unjustified. What would you do?

Let them talk, ventilate, throw with mud, enforce each other.
I would keep my mouth shut and try to control my bloodpressure and try to prevent my face from radiating my anger.
Then, when they're finished, I would summarise and ask if that's right.
Then I would very calm state that I'm amazed they would even consider I'm that bad a person to have such a friend.
I would tell them calmly they're completely wrong and ask them to appologise.

I've been in such a circumstance.... argghhhHHHHHHH!!!!!


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manic monday

January 7 2008

What was the last thing you regret buying?

I bought online a jacket that should fit a certain look for a special occasion.
The measurements were not what they were told they would be, so it´s a miss.
Well, one of the girls will fancy it.

If you had a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about any one thing you wished to know about yourself, life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Pff. That´s a difficult question.
I don´t want to take away my dreams, my hopes, challenges, efforts.

I had a friend once. He was as a brother to me.
Because I critized the way he always was able to choose for himself, instead of looking what was important to and for his child, he said goodbye to me.

I've always hoped he would understand where I came from and that I said it out of care and love for both of them.

Yes, that's what I want to know. If he ever came past his hurt ego, and if we ever will be friends again.

How do you know when you're in love?

I can't stop thinking about him, I feel pretty, my phantasy is working overhours, I dress better....


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manic monday

december 17 2007

What is your idea of a perfect romantic evening?

Hmmmmm.... a good friend, candles... music to listen to and dream away.
Someone who puts an arm around my shoulder, or someone who likes to have my head against his shoulder.
An evening that doesn't end with the harsh reality of the day, each day.

Ofcourse the evening will be different when I meet the man of my dreams.
Ok, the candles, dimmed light and music will still be there......

Imagine you had to take part in the winter Olympics. What sport would you do?

Me? Olympics?
I have been a contest swimmer when I was young, so I guess that'll be my sport.

**looking at your list***
Oh, you mean the wintergames.

Speed skating, without question.
We Duth are good.

And I was good when I was young.
Never cared to win, but when ice skating I skated with the older boys.
That's another story.

What's something that people do in traffic that really bothers you?

Well, I'm lucky I don't have a car.
On the bycicle it bothers me when cars think they can cross the road right before me.


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